I have a hard time waiting, so it seems that is the area in which God has continued to test and strengthen me. My husband, Tim, and I were in a relationship for seven years before we were married in 2005. My wedding day was all I had hoped and waited for. I was done waiting…or so I had thought.
After we enjoyed several years as husband and wife, we were eager to expand our family. We waited and waited some more. Four years later, we found out that due to a congenital disease we were not aware of that we would not be able to have children naturally. I was devastated, yet in my lack of patience and desire to control the situation, I believed that adoption was logically the direction God wanted us to go. I was wrong. God made it clear that He wanted us to do nothing (or nothing actively in the pursuit of having children). I felt hopeless.
And therefore will the LORD wait, that He may be gracious unto you, and therefore will He be exalted, that He may have mercy upon you: for the LORD is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for Him.
Just a few months before our diagnosis, Tim and I became the leaders of the college and career singles class at our church. We loved our busy life with the singles including teaching Sunday School, organizing monthly fun activities, and playing volleyball after church on Sunday nights. In the summer of 2010, I started a Thursday night Bible study with just four young, single women in my home. I had never myself completed a Bible study let alone led one! These girls were crazy, fun and desired to grow through God’s Word.
At the end of our first Bible study series, the Lord led me to share with them my trial and what God was teaching me. Through this trial of waiting, I believe God knit my heart with these single, young women who were in their own stages of waiting – waiting to finish school, waiting to find a job, waiting to get married, etc. We learned that God is still good when our hearts are heavy, and He has the power to overcome any obstacles in our lives in His timing.
A Bible study group that started with just four young women grew to over twenty in just two years. A renewed trust and love for my God grew in my heart as did my love for these dear sisters or “daughters” in Christ. My heart was full with this new purpose God had given me, yet I still quietly ached for children of my own.
During this time, my husband and I were led to seek medical assistance. Unsure of how the finances would be provided, God led dear friends, including the singles, to raise a large amount to cover our medical expenses – showing us, again, God’s power through His provision. Our friends and family supported us as we prayed and waited to see how God would lead.
The Lord graciously and miraculously allowed me to be pregnant twice within a year, both ending in miscarriages. My darkest days came during that time. Tim had previously done a Sunday school series focused on who God is—His goodness and His power.
Through studying and memorizing the characteristics of God, I was drawn closer to Him even though my heart was broken. I could not understand why God continued to allow these trials, but God’s Word assured me that I could understand who He is. Through trial or blessing, He does not change. Trusting, praying and more waiting was God’s desire for us as we continued our ministry with the singles.
The last Bible study night for the 2012 fall series, just a week before Thanksgiving, I was able to share with these young women God’s goodness and power through answered prayer. I was three months pregnant due June 1, 2013. Through laughter and tears, we praised God together for His grace.
Befitting my continued need to learn patience, Jackson (meaning “God is gracious”) was born in God’s perfect timing nine days past his due date.
May God be praised through our trials and blessings, for He longs to show us His mercy and grace.
Verses I meditated on reminding me of who God is:
2 Corinthians 9:8
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
2 Timothy 2:13
Written by Kathryn Boase. This article was published in the Fall 2013 edition of The Beautiful Spirit magazine. Kathyrn and her husband Tim now have 2 children and continue to praise the Lord for both gracious gifts.